Newtown, CT

On December 14, 2012-A gunman with a mind for destruction forced his way into Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown Friday morning, killing 20 children and six adults, including the school's principal.

 

‎"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping,'" he once said. "To this day, especially in times of 'disaster,' I remember my mother's words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers - so many caring people in this world." - Fred Rogers from Mr. Rogers Neighborhood.



It is so hard to comprehend the horror that filled the Sandy Nook Elementary School in Newtown, CT, yesterday. I am just so overwhelmingly sad right now, just thinking about those children, their families, the first responders on the scene....everyone involved in any way....and that includes all school children everywhere. No matter how tough and brave some children seem, I think there will be a bit of fear in every child who steps into their classroom on Monday morning and for many mornings to come.

I know many people have joked about the soft-spoken Mr. Rogers over the years (myself included), but I think the world could use a lot more of the gentleness, kindness, and comfort this dear man provided children of all ages for so many years.

I don't even know how to express my feelings over this horrible tragedy.....I only know that I am going to spend more time hugging my family and friends.....PRAYING.....and just trying to remember how very blessed I am.

Even though there is such sadness right now, we must remember to make the most of every minute of every day. I will try to fill my day with love, hugs, kindness, caring, gentleness, joy, and gratitude.

 

Thankful Tuesday

Feeling really thankful today. Thankful that my family and friends are all safe from hurricane Sandy. So many people in surrounding areas were not so lucky. My prayers go out to everyone affected by this storm.


New York City

Milford, CT. Nick lived here for awhile. Thankful that he is safe in MA.

WHAT IF????

WHAT IF???
I joke around a lot about the "negative committee" that meets in my head occasionally, but some days.....it's NOT a joke!

I have been focusing WAY too much on "what ifs?" lately.
As I have said before, I've been a little stressed over not having a job, especially with the layoffs at Ray's work....Christmas coming up, etc. In addition to the money though, I've been having a hard time adjusting to being at home alone so much! Being alone a lot gives me WAY too much time to wander around thinking....WHAT IF????
WHAT IF Ray gets laid off?
WHAT IF I don't find another job?
WHAT IF someone gets sick?
WHAT IF one of the kids needs something and we can't afford it?

And then there are the running related WHAT IFS......
WHAT IF I plan my next marathon and then can't afford to go wherever it is?
WHAT IF I start training and my asthma acts up?
WHAT IF my knee gets worse?

And of course there are those relationship WHAT IFS.....
WHAT IF being so stressed hurts my marriage?
WHAT IF there is a problem with the kids?
WHAT IF I really AM like the old used car that the moron of a doctor called me?
WHAT IF....WHAT IF.....

After a morning filled with these WHAT IFS, I kept trying to make myself get out the door for a run. I looked around the house and thought.....Wow, it's pretty late and the house needs a lot of work....WHAT IF I take the time to go out for my run and Ray and the kids get home and the house is still a mess?? Ummm....Yeah, because THAT has NEVER happened before??? Like THEY CARE??!!! OMG, I can't believe how NEGATIVE I can let myself become some times!

After arguing for awhile with that "negative committee".....I decided that no matter WHAT happened, I was going out for a run!

I decided that instead of going on any planned route that I would just head out the door and just RUN! No music and NO.WHAT. IFS!! Instead, I was going to think about all of my many blessings.... all of the things I have to be thankful for!

The first thing that came into my head was the fact that if ANY of those bad WHAT IFS came to be.....I would have my family by my side! As I was thinking of all of the wonderful reasons that I have to smile everyday.....I was also remembering bits of some Bible verses that I've read about worry, and although I couldn't remember them exactly....I remembered enough of them for comfort, and after I got home I looked a few of them up.

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?’” (Luke 12:22-26, NIV). (Also see Matthew 6:25-34)

“I can do everything through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13).

“An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up” (Proverbs 12:25, NIV).

 

I ran for just over an hour and I felt so much better, not just physically, but also mentally. It was as if someone had "slapped me upside the head" and said, "Hey....knock it off....STOP with all of the negativity-doom and gloom!" I guess it really is true that.......

So.....will I stop thinking "WHAT IF".....completely?? Of course not!! However, I'm going to REALLY TRY to balance the WHAT IFS out with more positive thoughts! Even the WHAT IFS can be more positive...Like, "WHAT IF I start REALLY listening to and believing some of the positive quotes I post on my blog and sometimes on Facebook??"  One of the quotes that keeps going through my head is not from some famous person, but from my own sweet husband! When we were planning our wedding vow renewal/30th anniversary party which would be outside, and the weather forecast called for rain and possible thunderstorms and I was panicking over everything, Ray hugged me and said, "Don't worry.....we've made it through bigger storms!".........Yes....WE HAVE and we will continue weathering the storms together!!

So when I start with the negative thoughts, I will try to run,walk or workout in some way, but I will also remember that I have other resources.....I have my husband, my family, my friends, my GOD.....Yep....I am BLESSED!!

Our Beautiful Alex-Senior Pic's

Senior Pictures

I LUVVVVV this girl!!!

Not too much to say that I haven't already said about Alex--She's beautiful, bright, sweet, brilliant, compassionate, funny, goofy, loving, nerdy, determined, amazing......She's PERFECT!!!!

 

 

 And did I mention that she has some sort of an alien in her mouth??!! We aren't sure just what this thing is in her mouth.....only that it looks SCARY!!

Dance in The Rain.....

Words to live by!!

Happy Birthday!!

Today is Ray's 57th birthday! I'm not sure yet what we are doing tonight to celebrate, but I'm really glad we are celebrating together! We have definitely had our ups and downs and challenges over the last 30 years of our marriage, but I believe it is stronger now than ever before! I don't want to get all gushy here, but I do want to say that I am very blessed and that I love my husband with all my heart! I'm looking forward to the next 30 years!!

Date Night!

Drumming away at Black Eyed Sally's!

Alex and Ray--Boston Labor Day Weekend 2012

Pam, Conor and Ray--Labor Day Weekend 2012

Our Beautiful Girl Is 18??!!

Wow, where have the years gone? It doesn't seem that long ago that we were running around the mall in MN, searching for Alex's lost Pooh Bear! I've never seen such a sad little face as the one who was asking us to PLEASE find Pooh Bear!

Alex requested a Pooh Bear Cake!

Alex has grown into such a beautiful young woman......one who has known since 5th grade what she wants to do with her life! She has such amazing goals and aspirations and I have no doubt in my mind that she will accomplish her dreams! In addition to being beautiful on the outside, Alex is SOO beautiful on the inside! She has a brilliant mind, beautiful heart, and she is soooo strong! I don't think she gives herself credit for any of these attributes, but she is amazing and I can't even begin to describe how proud I am of her and how much I love her! I can't believe she will be going away to college next year, but I know that she is ready to begin her wonderful adult life! Of course, to her Dad and I.........she will ALWAYS be our sweet little girl!!

Nerd Girls Gone Wild??

Alex and her Teavana Teapot!

The Girls!

Monday, Monday....

Wow....Monday, ALREADY?? We had another fun, but tiring weekend! Sundance Kidz performed again on Saturday night at a big end of summer party in Higganum, CT.

The party was at the beautiful home of Freddy Perkins, the man who bid on and won the band at my last Team Hole in the Wall fundraiser at Black Eyed Sally's! It was a great party with lot's of food and drinks (including an Apple Pie cocktail which tasted like apple pie and had QUITE a kick to it!!), a bouncy house, outdoor movie theatre for the kids, and of course.....AWESOME music! Once again, Sundance Kidz were GREAT and everyone had a good time!

Alex and a couple of her friends were there, and Conor met a new friend, Ryan, and they had a blast shuttling party goers from the parking area to the house on a golf cart! The golf cart was signed by many race car drivers, including Richard Petty! Oh, I forgot to mention that Freddy is a race car driver and he has some pretty amazing cars!

I had a really good time....listening to the music, chatting with some of the other band members wives,as well as some other people! Freddy was so nice to include the band members families, and he and his girlfriend, Allison, made us feel so welcome!

Sunday was a very relaxing day! Ray was pretty sore and tired from the gig, since he had all of the equipment to load afterwards, plus....he does work pretty hard, playing drums!! We spent most of the day just watching TV....flipping channels between football games and an NCIS marathon! It was really nice to be able to do that!

Conor spent the afternoon with his friend Jack, going to the corn maze, eating lunch out and playing some football at Jack's house! Alex was just getting over a couple of day's of having some bad headaches, so she spent a pretty low-key day at home herself.

SOOOO.......since yesterday was a pretty lazy day.....WHY am I so darn tired TODAY??? I guess it takes a little longer these days to get over a little weekend partying??!!! Oh well, I wouldn't trade my life for anything! I am SO grateful to have my wonderful family...I'm glad that Ray has his music! I also LOVE the fact that even though this gig wasn't a fund raiser....Ray still talked about Camp and asked that people please check out info on Camp and contribute if possible! I LOVE that Conor and Alex are involved in helping out with the band (they make great roadies!!) and that the band members families are so nice to hang out with!! Yeah, it takes a little longer to recover from weekend fun than it used too, but it's SOOO worth it!!

Now, time to get moving! I have a lot of laundry and housework to do, but first......I MUST RUN!!!

2012 Fandango Gala-Hole in the Wall Gang Camp

Wow, where do I begin?? Saturday was one of the most amazing days ever! Talk about a "roller coaster of emotions!" This was my first Gala that was at The Hole in The Wall Gang Camp. I have been to several Gala's in NYC and they were great, but this was just....MAGICAL!! The events that were held in NYC were wonderful, glamorous and there were lot's of celebrity performances and appearance's by people like, Paul Simon, James Taylor, Michael Buble, Kristen Chenowith, Stevie Wonder, Trisha Yearwood, President Bill Clinton, Julia Roberts and SO many more, and still.....NOT as magical as the Gala at Camp!

How do I explain what made this Gala so special? Sure, there were celebrities there too! Alec Baldwin was the auctioneer and he was absolutely AMAZING!! He was hysterically funny and he made it clear that he really cares about Camp! He did a fantastic job of getting people to GIVE!!Oh, and HE gave a LOT himself!

 One of the items up for bid was lunch with Bradley Cooper (sexiest man alive) and there were a LOT of ladies interested in that one!!

 In the end....Camp got $200,000 for the lunch with BC!!! NO, I was NOT the winner! Although Ray is a wonderful husband, I just could NOT convince him that he should take out his retirement money in order to get the lunch for me....um...I mean, for ALEX! After all, her birthday will be here in just over a week and I was thinking that Bradley would make a GREAT birthday surprise!! One gentleman was up to $95,000 in the bidding (a gift for his very young, teenaged daughter!), and Alec Baldwin said that if he would make it $100,000, he would match it!! No prob!! What's a mere $100, 000, right????? Anyway, there were so many wonderful live and silent auction items....some that went for $50, 000 to $100, 000, and some that went for a few hundred! I won a signed poster of Jake Gyllenhaal for Alex! It was just a wonderful event!

After the Auction and Gala, Ray's band; Sundance Kidz performed at the dinner! They were absolutely WONDERFUL!! I was SO proud to be there with the band! Of course, after a couple of drinks, I had fun telling a couple of people; when asked what my role with the band was, that I was, "sleeping with the drummer!!"

                                                           

 People were dancing and having a wonderful time! One of the people dancing was James Naughton, the wonderful singer/actor. I chatted with him for a while a little later and he was one of the warmest, most genuinely nice people I have ever met! He was a friend of Paul Newman's and he has had a big role in helping keep Paul's Camp going!

James Naughton-Blue plaid shirt!

 I also chatted with Paul Newman's daughter, Lissy, whom I had met a couple of times previously and once again....she is such a beautiful, kind and generous lady! She also has the most amazing singing voice! I met Nathan Lane, and Alec Baldwin very briefly. The actress, Bridget Moynahan was also there and has recently become involved with Camp.Sandy Koufax was on the dance floor at one point in the evening!

Again, meeting these wonderful people was great, but the REAL reason that this Gala was so amazing??....Let's see if I can even begin to put it into words! I met several wonderful people from all walks of life, some who have been involved with Camp for a long time, and some who were there for their first visit. I talked to friends from Camp, whom I have known for awhile now through Team Hole in the Wall and from previous visits to Camp and it is ALWAYS a joy to be around all of these wonderful people! I could write a BOOK about how I feel about these kind, and caring folks! I also had the pleasure of talking one on one with a couple of Moms' of former Campers. These ladies were there to volunteer their time, helping out with putting on this event. During one of the Mom's breaks, we chatted about the wonder's of Camp. This beautiful lady was trying to explain just how much the Camp experience had meant to her son, and to the rest of her family. Through many tears, she said that even though she had some amazing friends who loved her and her son, that they couldn't TRULY understand what she was feeling. She said that when she went to the family sessions at Camp for the weekend, she got to talk to other Mom's who REALLY KNOW deep down what she's going through and she got to listen to them, bond with them and not feel so alone. As for her son....She said that she didn't really want to drop her sick child (cancer) off at Camp and leave him for a week Through her tears she said to me, "I just kept thinking....what if he dies there, what if I'm not with him?" OMG, I CAN'T even imagine. She really didn't want to leave him, and yet, because his doctor's thought he needed to go and deep down SHE knew it would be good for him, she put a smile on her face and dropped him off at the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp! Of course, after she left him at Camp, she had herself a good cry, but she's a Mom and she did what she KNEW in her heart was the right thing for her son. I'm not sure just how long it's been since her son went to Camp, but he's doing well now. She still feels that she can never give back enough to the Camp to even come close to what they gave her son, but she volunteers and works there every chance she gets. This same woman, along with quite a few others, were so overcome with the generosity of some of the people at the auction, that they were crying. I saw so many people crying at different times in the evening! Mother's, father's, people who work for Camp, former Camper's......SO many people, and yet, this wasn't a sad event! These people were crying because they were so happy to know that this MAGICAL place, has the funds to continue on for other sick children!! These same people who were crying at times, were also celebrating, dancing, singing along with Sundance Kidz, and just being THANKFUL for so many caring people! I also got to see so many of the beautiful children who attend Camp and hear directly from THEM how much this place means to them.

In the middle of the evening, I thought of something that Paul Newman said in a video clip about Camp that sort say's it all....."Whenever I'm feeling down in the dumps, I come here and this place reaffirms everything that is good and generous about this country."

I ALWAYS leave Camp with a smile on my face and in my heart!!

NEED.NEW.RUNNING.SHOES.....

Wow, I am feeling pretty good right now about my running and walking! Since I've been out of work for a couple of weeks, I've had much more time (and energy!) for working out! The downside to being out of a job though, is that now I won't have extra money for race fees, running shoes and all of those nifty gadgets that I have been dying for (Garmin 610!), and such!!! That's okay though, I am still going to move forward with my plans for another marathon. I'm not sure WHICH marathon just yet, but I'm going to make that decision very soon!

Of course, whatever marathon I decide to do....I will do it to support The Hole in the Wall Gang Camp! I'm really bummed that I won't be doing NYC Marathon with Team Hole in the Wall in November!

This Is The Day The Lord Hath Made, Let Us Rejoice And Be Glad In It!!